Dear Mom...

You
Want me to be
You
I understand your desire
For me to desire
God
But you condemn
Me
You
Judge
Me
With your words and actions
Tell me I can only be loved
If I act like
You
It hurts
When you cannot accept me
The way I am
I am this way
But
You would not understand
If I told you about my struggles
You
Would only condemn
How can I please you?
Only if I desire God
Only if
Everyone
Around me can see that
I desire God
When I mess up
You are ashamed
Because
Everyone
Cannot see that I desire God
I wish I could tell you
What I am going through
What I have gone through
What I have done
And I want to tell you
That what Satan is whispering in my ear
Is what you tell me every chance
You get
I have to be perfect
I have to
THINK
Only the right things
SAY
Only the right things
DO
Only the right things
I am not allowed to
Struggle
HURT
FAIL
You want me to prove
That I love God
Is that not condemning?
Judgement?
I
Do love God
But what if
I didn't?
You would not love me
The same
You would forever be
Shoving
Words down my throat
Even when I tell you
I desire to follow God
You
Shove words
Down my throat
What can I do to
Show you
Prove to you
The desires of my heart?
Should I really have to?
Is that required of me?
"Please your mother."
"Prove to your mother
You love me."
I never read that
In the Bible
Jesus is telling me
There is no condemnation
For those
Who are in
Christ.
I
Lost my way
For a while
And I am trying
Striving
To get back
But you cannot know
Because you would not
Understand.
I
hurt
so
much
But just because
I failed
And you did not
You would not
Understand
My struggles
Sure
You love me
If I have to prove
My love for God
For you
Could you not prove
Your
UNCONDITIONAL LOVE
For me?