"Dear John" letter

-His name is not John but I loved him. He was never really mine but I lost him. He may have already forgotten me but I will never forget. He may have really loved me, but I will never know.- This was written while trying to avoid my last research paper:-)

Ah, John how have you been
Spendid I'm sure
You poor lost soul
Without me you must be bored

I like to pretend you miss me every second
You picture my face when you close your eyes
You consider yourself horribly torn
Without me by your side

Ah, John you silly boy
You asked me to leave
Not with words
But your actions were enough

I sit here and tell myself I was never sad
That it ended at all
I like to believe it was never painful
Like it was not love in the first place

Ah, John did you love me
Honestly, did you?
I act like I am positive
That you never did

I have my doubts
I entertain all sorts of ideas
He loved me
He loved me not

Ah, John you creature of habit
Or just, you creature
You could have proved your "love"
If in fact it existed

I wonder to myself
Is that really love?
If it must be proven
Is it love?

Ah, John I could have just trusted
How funny the idea of trust
Believing everything you said
Without really knowing your inner thoughts

Well farewell my dignity
Because I feel I wronged you
And I am admitting it
But not to you

Ah, John I'll tell everyone else
But I will not inform you
I constantly put you down
And blamed everything on you

I still know in my heart
That you could have done more
I wanted so badly
For you to do more

Ah, John I wish you had
Made a little effort
But it's done and over
And I am letting it all go

I did love you
Maybe you did love me
I can pretend whatever I want about what we had
But I cannot pretend what we are now: finished

Ah John, I am saying goodbye
We are done and over
I am letting you go
Ah John, adios :-)

West Nyack Car Wash

This is my farewell to the many all-nighters I have pulled at Dunkin Donuts. There is a sign I have become accustomed to stare at while procrastinating that is next to my beloved Dunkin Donuts. Four long years....this was written while attempting to write my last research paper as a Nyack College student.


Dear sign, so bright you shine
Will I remember your curvy letters
Shall I forget the times we've shared
I've spent countless nights with you
We've spent years together staying up late

I take a break, I look out the window
I see you are always there
Drawing attention with your red white and blue
Are you attempting patriotism or did you even know
How easily I am distracted by your lack of beauty
You have no pizzazz
WHY do you distract
Me so?

I gaze at you
I admire your resiliance
You are always on
Always working
Reminding me again that I am slacking

Still I decide to admire you
Instead of turn back to this
Steady stream of homework

But

Soon we shall part
How horribly sad and heartbreaking
I hate to say it but
I'm leaving you
Seeing you
No more
I look upon you with respect
For working so hard

You contiunally ask people
To join you
You desire clean cars
You do your job well
During the day I see a lot there
Cars are drawn to you while the sun is up
Just as I am drawn to you when the moon shows it's love

Now I have successfully avoided this paper
And you have been a successful advertisement
For the West Nyack Car Wash.
Good-bye, adios, you will be missed my hardworking distraction.

He told me I was worth it...

Written during the PSF retreat where God was revealing Himself to me every minute! This was written during the hour solo time/the time to find something to take with us and something to leave. Sitting in front of a large statue of St. Anthony titled, "Anthony Pray For Us"

I am cleansed
I am purified
I am eternally grateful.

I've been redeemed
By your blood

I've been washed
With your love

You were beaten, mocked and murdered
You were tortured and crucified
You suffered for ME
So I can be FREE

-And you told me I was worth it-

Lord, you are...

Written during the PSF retreat where God was revealing Himself to me every minute! This was during the 7 hour solo time...dang. I'm not sure if I'm done with this one so I didn't put a period.

Take me in your arms, never let me go
I want to be with you always
I want your righteousness to flow
Onto me, over me, to clothe me.

You are Saviour, Healer, Coming King
You are the Creator of everything
You are the Alpha and Omega
The beginning and end
You are Jehovah Jirah
You are my friend

You are the Redeemer
You are the Sacrificial Lamb
You are Abba Father
You hold my heart in your hands
You are the Protector
You are the Prince of Peace
You are God Almighty
You love endlessly

True Forgiveness

How I'm lost
How I'm found
Jesus Christ
Laid his life down

Still I falter
Still I fail
Every time I do
I think about each nail

That pierced Him.

My God, my King,
How have you forgiven me?

The dirty sinner that I am
You love me eternally
You reached out your hand
Told me I can be free

My God, my King
Thank you for forgiving me.

One year

RIP Heath Ledger

Deliverance

Behind my mask the misery dwells
Only sometimes seeping through the cracks
When I attempt a smile
And the plaster breaks
The mask covers the hideousness that lies behind
Smothering me
Suffocating me until I can no longer breathe
The air from my lungs is trying so hard to find a path
To escape
It hurts
to

breathe

Is it really worth the effort
After all the labor for one breath
I now suffer through another
I ponder the new thought
Of giving in
But force it away as I
Force another breath
Another smile
I can feel the mask cracking
Around my lips
An idea has often floated around my
Troubled mind
Break through the mask
Let it go
Take it off
Show yourself
Even the hideousness that
Hides
Smile freely
But the mask is now cemented firmly
Refusing to break
It was then you saw me
Struggling
You came to me
You broke me completely
All so I could be free
Of that affectation
At first, the shattered mask left pieces behind
Left patches of the old
People called out names
Hypocrite
Then you took my face in your hands
Washed it clean
Scrubbed away the broken pieces from that
Dirty Mask

Gone

I smiled

Nothing broke
I exhaled
The breath danced through every part of me
I spoke
Words of praise escaped my joyful lips
I opened my eyes
And saw you standing there
My heart stopped
Tears formed in my eyes
My stomach was turning
For you were wearing that very mask
You had liberated me from
You took it upon yourself
To deliver me from burning