The Story of a Broken Child.Part one of many.

Introduction: The First Night

The small brown hand shook as it rested on the table. She was only a child. I didn't understand how anyone could want to hurt her. All I felt for her was love and pity but someone in her own family must have hated her to discard her so easily. Maybe I wasn't being fair. They were desperate, I'm sure, but she was seven. I wanted to replace the year of her life I knew would haunt her forever. The year she should have been learning to ride a bike, starting school, even just playing in the street. Instead she had been beaten, used, forced to please customers. The thought brought tears to my eyes as I looked across the table at this thin child sitting in front of a full bowl of rice, lacking any emotion in her big brown eyes. She must have felt me looking at her because she looked up at me and smiled. It was an empty smile but I smiled back, wanting to comfort her. She put her head down and placed her hands in her lap. This was the youngest case I had personally been involved with and even though I had seen many sad cases, this one seemed to affect me the most. I didn't know her name or the sound of her voice but I wanted to find the relative that sold her and show them the bruises on this little girl's body. I hope they would feel the same pain I knew this girl felt. It was almost time to go but she hadn't touched her food, and even though it was still dark outside we had to get her to the new safehouse as soon as possible. It was my first case in America. I had worked for five years in Cambodia, rescuing girls and boys out of brothels and placing them in safehouses or specially chosen foster homes, so it was almost ironic that my first case in America was a beautiful little girl straight from Cambodia. This was going to be a tough case, more dangerous than any I had ever worked. For the first time in my career, the trafficker was coming to get her. Nothing seemed more important to me than keeping this beautiful child safe. I wanted to scream at this man who was coming after her. It wasn't like I wanted another child to be taken and have to go through this, but why did he have to torment this girl any longer? I knew it would be easier to find another poor, desperate family in Cambodia than following us all over the US and trying to take her back. Why was she so special to him now? She had been through enough and I was determined to keep him away.

I was very interested in her story. How did they get her from Cambodia to New York City? What horrible places had they taken her in between? I wanted to know exactly who had sold her and what did they buy that could replace this granddaughter/daughter/sister/niece/friend. I was going to find the answers and no one was going to hurt this seven year old anymore. I felt like my entire career was just leading me up to this point. I was meant for this and I was ready. I got up from the table and reached out my hand, hoping one day she would trust me. She hesitated, but finally she took my hand and I knew my life would never be the same.

My Favorite Things

Give me coffee in the morning
Give me wine at night
A margarita on the weekend
Everything will be alright

Hot chocolate on cold evenings
Wrap in a blanket to top it off
Pink lemonade on hot days
Better take the blanket off!

A good book makes all this better
With any beverage that you like
Leave this world for another
A few hours at a time

If you have a good imagination
Write a story of your own
Make up something magical
And leave your problems at home

To my sweet, precious little girls in Cambodia

I can't wait to hear all your little voices
My stomach is turning flips in anticipation
I love you all so much more
Than I thought I could love.

Every day you are on my mind
Every one of you
Not one is left behind
I dream of seeing you again
Cuddling up to watch a movie
Snuggling with each of you to nap
Squeezing you so tight
As we hug out our greeting

I can barely wait the two hours
Two more hours til I can hear your voices
I doubt I'll be able to communicate how much I've missed you
I hope I can tell you how much I love you
I hope you understand I'm dying to see you!

You are all so precious to me
You are all in my heart forever
You are all the sweet little girls
I wish I never had to live without

There is not a chance of me sleeping
Passing these two hours by peacefully
I am too excited
Too anxious
Too caught up in thinking about how close it is until we can speak!

People don't understand
How deep my love runs
For each and every one of you
You have each changed my life
Made me realize my passion
My goal, my drive, my reason for fighting is because of you

Two hours
Too long!

I hope we can even understand each other!
But we already know that love overcomes the language barrier.

I love you individually
I love you all

For two hours
I guess I can go practice my Vietnamese:-)

Lala La La Laaaa

This topic isn't boring
The subject is not sad
The class is very interesting
The teacher no old hag

It is so close to the end
You would think
I could breeze right through

But this paper staring back at me
Produces only thoughts of you

This is not a real poem
This is not a love song
This is simply to tell everyone
That my paper is not done

The only thoughts I have are

Lala La La Laaaa
Leyla oh hey ohhh
May 9th 2009
Lala La La Laaaa

Sing along if you want to
Hum the tune if you will
May 9th is coming soon
And rejoice we all will

Repeat my thoughts with me

Lala La La Laaaa
Leyla oh hey ohh
May 9th 2009
Lala La La Laaaa

Our families will join us
Many tears we will shed
Our memories will never leave us
Of the lives we have led

Four long year with y'all and together we now sing

Lala La La Laaaa
Leyla oh hey ohh
May 9th 2009
Lala La La Laaaa

Goodbye my dear friends
But please not forever
I love you like family
And forget you I will never

One last time let's sing

Lala La La Laaaa
Leyla oh hey ohh
May 9th 2009
Lala La La Laaaa



---If you're wondering if I have a tune for this....I do---

"Dear John" letter

-His name is not John but I loved him. He was never really mine but I lost him. He may have already forgotten me but I will never forget. He may have really loved me, but I will never know.- This was written while trying to avoid my last research paper:-)

Ah, John how have you been
Spendid I'm sure
You poor lost soul
Without me you must be bored

I like to pretend you miss me every second
You picture my face when you close your eyes
You consider yourself horribly torn
Without me by your side

Ah, John you silly boy
You asked me to leave
Not with words
But your actions were enough

I sit here and tell myself I was never sad
That it ended at all
I like to believe it was never painful
Like it was not love in the first place

Ah, John did you love me
Honestly, did you?
I act like I am positive
That you never did

I have my doubts
I entertain all sorts of ideas
He loved me
He loved me not

Ah, John you creature of habit
Or just, you creature
You could have proved your "love"
If in fact it existed

I wonder to myself
Is that really love?
If it must be proven
Is it love?

Ah, John I could have just trusted
How funny the idea of trust
Believing everything you said
Without really knowing your inner thoughts

Well farewell my dignity
Because I feel I wronged you
And I am admitting it
But not to you

Ah, John I'll tell everyone else
But I will not inform you
I constantly put you down
And blamed everything on you

I still know in my heart
That you could have done more
I wanted so badly
For you to do more

Ah, John I wish you had
Made a little effort
But it's done and over
And I am letting it all go

I did love you
Maybe you did love me
I can pretend whatever I want about what we had
But I cannot pretend what we are now: finished

Ah John, I am saying goodbye
We are done and over
I am letting you go
Ah John, adios :-)

West Nyack Car Wash

This is my farewell to the many all-nighters I have pulled at Dunkin Donuts. There is a sign I have become accustomed to stare at while procrastinating that is next to my beloved Dunkin Donuts. Four long years....this was written while attempting to write my last research paper as a Nyack College student.


Dear sign, so bright you shine
Will I remember your curvy letters
Shall I forget the times we've shared
I've spent countless nights with you
We've spent years together staying up late

I take a break, I look out the window
I see you are always there
Drawing attention with your red white and blue
Are you attempting patriotism or did you even know
How easily I am distracted by your lack of beauty
You have no pizzazz
WHY do you distract
Me so?

I gaze at you
I admire your resiliance
You are always on
Always working
Reminding me again that I am slacking

Still I decide to admire you
Instead of turn back to this
Steady stream of homework

But

Soon we shall part
How horribly sad and heartbreaking
I hate to say it but
I'm leaving you
Seeing you
No more
I look upon you with respect
For working so hard

You contiunally ask people
To join you
You desire clean cars
You do your job well
During the day I see a lot there
Cars are drawn to you while the sun is up
Just as I am drawn to you when the moon shows it's love

Now I have successfully avoided this paper
And you have been a successful advertisement
For the West Nyack Car Wash.
Good-bye, adios, you will be missed my hardworking distraction.

He told me I was worth it...

Written during the PSF retreat where God was revealing Himself to me every minute! This was written during the hour solo time/the time to find something to take with us and something to leave. Sitting in front of a large statue of St. Anthony titled, "Anthony Pray For Us"

I am cleansed
I am purified
I am eternally grateful.

I've been redeemed
By your blood

I've been washed
With your love

You were beaten, mocked and murdered
You were tortured and crucified
You suffered for ME
So I can be FREE

-And you told me I was worth it-